As a Hobby
I will readily confess, I’ve not been especially generous this past year etc.
“Be generous.
Be grateful. Confess when you’re not.”
— Rumi
(Coleman Barks transl.)
Have I been nice? Have I been kind? Not always. These used to be at the top of my mind as aspirations. Of course, always failure, but also trying. So. Time to recalibrate. Time to return to the early inspirations.
This week I read Adam Cohen’s story of making You Want it Darker with his father, the legend, Leonard Cohen.
He says,
“Almost as a hobby, my father would try to guess what someone wanted and give it to them before they asked. It was sort of a paranormal act of generosity, another extraordinary interest in his repertoire. So when he asked me to help with his last project, it seemed appropriate. It was to be one last father and son bonding experience. That last fishing trip.”
And so of course that reminds me of the poem by Hafiz that I have quoted here from time to time (translated by Daniel Ladinsky).
That Sweet Moon Language
Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them,
“Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud,
otherwise
someone would call the authorities.
Still, though, think about this,
this great pull in us to
connect.
Why not become the one who lives with a
full moon in each eye that is
always saying,
with that sweet moon
language,
what every other eye in this world
is dying to
hear?
Back to Leonard Cohen, his page on Facebook shared this:
“Leonard told David Remnick for The New Yorker Magazine: “What I mean to say is that you hear the Bat Kol.” The divine voice. “You hear this other deep reality singing to you all the time, and much of the time you can’t decipher it. Even when I was healthy, I was sensitive to the process. At this stage of the game, I hear it saying, ‘Leonard, just get on with the things you have to do.’ It’s very compassionate at this stage. More than at any time of my life, I no longer have that voice that says, ‘You’re fucking up.’ That’s a tremendous blessing, really.””
“More than at any time of my life, I no longer have that voice that says, ‘You’re fucking up.’ That’s a tremendous blessing, really.”
And then someone shared on Twitter:
"It is a feeling that no matter what the ideas or conduct of others, there is a unique rightness and beauty to life which can be shared in openness, in wind and sunlight, with a fellow human being who believes in the same basic principles."
— Mark W. (@DurhamWASP) October 27, 2021
Sylvia Plath, born 27th October 1932 pic.twitter.com/VWw4Jgp4yL
So yes, I do aspire to be kinder, more generous. I aspire to give you what you want before you ever ask. But most deeply I aspire to be eccentric. I desire, I aspire, to just get on with things, and to puff away that voice that says, Shawna You are Fucking Up, just as one would blow at a dandelion gone to seed. (I think I’m closer to that than I ever have been).
Meanwhile.
Have you read Fleur Jaeggy? In a conversation with Dylan Byron she says:
Your old friend Giovanni Pozzi writes, in “Tacet,” that “the book is the dwelling place of silence, the repository of memory, the antidote to the chaos of forgetting, the place where the word lies, sleepless, ready to greet those who tread silently to seek its help.”
Beautiful, beautiful.
How can we hear the silent voice of literature?
When I think of writing with Hermes, she’s not at all silent. She’s a machine. Padre Pozzi wrote beautiful things on silence. I always have silence because I’m very often alone. If one has time to respond, one has already forgotten the question.
It’s better to stay in silence?
Always, always.
Jaeggy’s typewriter has a name: Hermes.
Does Hermes have a soul?
What a question! First of all, she writes all my books. So perhaps she has a soul somewhere. But this is very hush-hush. In any case, she’s very beautiful. I was afraid she would break, because she’s rather old, but, on the contrary, she still works. Writing by hand is quite difficult for me. If, by chance, I do a drawing, fine; but, otherwise, no. Oh, she’s going to be very happy we’re talking about her! She has her vanity.
I always admire someone who will say in an interview that something is not interesting to her. There is no pretending. That is something to aspire to — that kind of honesty. There’s no point in trying to answer questions that are not necessarily bad, but just not personally interesting. That’s a waste of everyone’s time isn’t it? It’s one thing to ask a generous question, but one must also be true, and answer generously, even if that means saying, not interesting. It’s not a slight; it’s respectful. It’s brave. But most of us would try to answer a boring question, because we like to please. I would like to be less pleasing and more true. Which I think is more respectful to the process. If someone has taken the time to ask you things, do you not owe it to them to not just try to say what you think they want to hear?
So.
I wish you a beautiful week ahead. I wish that the inner voice no longer tells you you’re fucking up. I wish for you like minds to convene with. I wish for you to intuit what others need before they need it. May your typing devices be beautiful and full of soul. May you have the energy to be generous. May your generosity be well received. May you have the patience and fortitude you require. May your days hold the proper balance of silence and music.
Thanks to all of you for your continued support of my new novel, Everything Affects Everyone. Copies are available in Edmonton at Audreys and Glass Bookshop. If you live elsewhere there are lots of options, as well.
A possible fun fact is that most readers of this site are primarily from the US and UK, with Canada (my home country) being third in readership. A lot of people reading from Australia! Thank you to everyone for visiting!
I know you’ve all heard of the global supply chain issues by now, and so would love it if you might buy early for any readers on your holiday list ahead of time.
Warmly and with thanks,
Shawna
