And Yes

And yes we are watching numbers when what we are looking at are people, bodies, lives no more, deaths. Yes we are baking upside down plum cakes and eating salt and vinegar chips and worrying about our children. Yes we are finding it hard to concentrate. Yes we are taking courses and teaching courses and yes it is all very difficult and yes we are sending out very real love as fiercely as we can and yes maybe you are receiving it but we are lonely and alone and not alone. Yes we are two metres away from each other and yes we are distant but we are yes all in this together. And yes we are born to run and born to recluse and born to hug.

Yes we are watching the bright flowers from last week perish on our table and yes we are watching celebrities sing and exercise and read excerpts from Pride and Prejudice and the sonnets of Shakespeare and yes we are all taking requests. And yes it is beautiful and helpful and sometimes we shed a few tears because of all this pent up art and generosity and kindness and we take it in but even that can be too much. And yes, we can’t go on we go on, Mr. Beckett is living in my spare room right now. Yes we are hopeful and full of despair and it’s hard to think of silver linings and yes it’s hard not to think of silver linings. And yes we are putting cakes in the oven and taking them out and serving them and saying yes to cake. Yes we are tired of each other and losing our compassion and also our compassion is being exercised and given a massage and steam room treatment. Yes our compassion is just limbering up and getting ready because we’re all going to need so much more of it. And yes we are changing and growing and shrivelling up and feeling weird and out of sorts and sometimes blissfully content and happy and wait yes we are living on the brink. And yes we were wondering if the world is going to end in fire or is it going to end in ice or maybe the world is not ending with a bang or a whimper but with the internet sinking like the Titanic and all the celebrities playing gamely and not so gamely in the band. And yes we’re not really going to sink we’re all breathing better because of the reduction of pollution and yes we’re worried about those who are ill and not breathing better and we cannot stop thinking about the breathing of the universe right now.

And yes we are reading very good books and poems and looking at paintings and yes we are wondering if art will sell after all this and how will we all carry on. And yes we pinned our hopes for a few minutes on the dolphins in the clear blue water of the Venetian canals which later turned out to be fake. And yes the group chats are useful and the texts to those you love and phone calls, well I’ll never enjoy a phone call I’m sorry please just write me a poem instead and send it please or a photo of your dog. And yes we’re very sorry for so much and furious and we cannot currently say that everything will be okay because some things will definitely not be okay. But some will. And yes some things will be better and maybe we will be better. And yes say hi to your dog.

And yes we are watching Netflix and Crave and Hoopla and Hulu and YouTube and Apple TV and Kanopy and Disney Plus and Amazon Prime. Yes we are streaming music and pinning recipes and sharing hope and sharing freaking out and we are anxious and sometimes content and happy and we are dancing in the afternoons and mixing cocktails and drinking too much of this or too much of that. And yes we are laughing at comedies and pretending none of this is happening and failing and yes we are hugging our dogs and cats and children and video calling them and acting cheerful and stoic and brave. And yes we are using the word surreal too much but that’s because it is surreal and yes we can use whatever words we like and yes we might need some new words for this and yes let’s check in with each other and say are you okay yes I’m okay. And yes we’re going to keep going forward and it won’t always be this way and and yes you can still go for a walk and order in take-out and be kind to each other and dream about sitting in a restaurant with friends when this is all over. And yes this will one day all be over and yes. And yes everyone is tweeting Seamus Heaney, “If we winter this one out, we can summer anywhere.” Yes. And Yes.